Spreading the Word

I got this in the mail today, and figured I could help spread the word. I remember how hard it was to get study participants. so hell, any way I can help someone else, I’d be glad to help.

Harvard Medical school is conducting a survey of legally blind women to see if the incidence of sleep disorders and cancer risk, among other health factors, is any different among blind women. If you want to participate, go to www.bvihealthsurvey.com. I don’t think I need to say this, but I guess I should. You have to be legally blind and a woman. You can do the survey on the web, or they have ways for you to contact the study’s director if you’d like to do the surveyin about 6 zillion other formats. They really want our input! So there it is, if you want to give them a hand.

Punched Out.

Ever since I heard about this story, I’ve wanted to say something about it, but I just couldn’t get my head around what happened.

In the small town of Erieau, Ontario, somebody died and 3 people got sick enough to be hospitalized from drinking punch laced with windshield wiper fluid. How did the windshield wiper fluid get in there? Did someone have dark and evil plans to kill someone at the party? No! Get ready for this. The punch was mixed in, and poured from, a windshield wiper fluid jug.

Ok, doesn’t everyone know that windshield wiper fluid, and other chemicals, are not good to drink? And, if they’re not good to drink, their containers are not safe storage places for things that we do drink? Or, doesn’t almost everybody know this? Apparently, no one at not one, but two parties in Erieau knew this, or spoke up to say, “Uh, chief, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

An even worse thought is, did these people think the windshield wiper fluid would serve as alcohol for the punch? If so, they really need help.

In any case, now, one woman is dead, and two guys are partially blinded from this little bit of holiday cheer.

Holy crap. I just don’t understand how this happened. It’s amiracle that more people didn’t die or get really sick. It seems some people need a re-education about things that are good and bad for us. Hopefully next year, when Newyears comes around, people will ask a lot more questions if these people show up with their punch in a paint can.

Last Words on the TD Talking Bank Machines.

They talk all the way through! They even tell you to select your language, in multiple languages! At last, there is speech from the beginning to the end! They did it! Yea! Woo! Now I need to send that thank you letter out pronto.

I know I probably look nuts to sighties for getting excited over a talking bank machine. But to them, I say this. Just think about the number of questions you see on a bank machine. Now realize the only way I could use that machine if I didn’t want someone standing behind me telling me what to do every time I wanted some cash was to bug someone into helping me memorize the sequence of questions and buttons, and pray they didn’t change the machine. For once, I can go get money, and not memorize the questions. I can use a bank machine like you do now, just following the prompts. Now it’s as easy for me as for you!

Yeah, Uh-huh, Sure.

I saw a commercial that cracked me up today. It showed this girl getting a phone call. It was from a collection agency. He told her that he’d noticed some patterns in the way she’s been paying, or not paying, her debts. Then he told her that she should call this credit counselling firm and they could help her.

And that’s when you know you’re watching a commercial. If a company has sent out the collection hounds after you, they’re not nice about it. They assume that you’re not good for the cash, and they’ll get it out of you however they can. They don’t really want to talk to you at all. They just want the money. that’s the only thing that talks. Unfortunately, I met some of these collection hounds, and it wasn’t even my fault.

Years ago, I bought a little portable computer/braille display thingy. It needed repairs, so I was told by the guy I bought it from that he would arrange for it to be shipped back to the distributor in the states, but he would take care of all the shipping costs. I later found out he didn’t. I guess with some bigger items, you have to pay some kind of broker fee. I don’t get it, but there it is. So anyway, without telling me, the shipper used a third party company I’d never heard of to handle the fees. I think the guy who said he’d take care of all the shipping costs should have known about this, since he’s used this shipper for ten years. He didn’t tell me either.

Then I started getting letters from this company, but they didn’t have my name on them and they didn’t sound like any company I’d dealt with. So I threw them out without realizing they were bills. We’d been getting a lot of junk mail in envelopes from dating services at that time, so I thought that was all this was.

Then, oh then. I got an ugly letter from a collection agency that said I was to pay my delinquent account or go to court. Here I was thinking my identity had been stolen, thinking my credit card had been stolen, freaking out. After checking that nothing I knew about had been stolen, I called the agency whose number was on the bill. I was forwarded to the lady who wrote the letter. I left a message asking for her to call me back and we could talk about this. No reply. I called back the next day, same thing. Finally, about 2 minutes after I made the last call, since I really wanted these hounds off my tail, I called back and I asked the receptionist if she could physically see this lady in the office. She said yes. I asked if she could go get her, and lead her to the phone, because she can’t seem to find it. Only then did I get to talk to her, figure out where this was all coming from, and fix it. She never really explained why she was refusing to pick up the phone.

I’m pretty sure this is the norm and not the exception. I’ve heard about collection agencies coming after relatives of people who died, and not believing the person is dead until they see a death certificate because they’ve heard it all before. I don’t think they’re going to tell the person they’re after that they should seek credit counselling.

As an aside, here’s something that has always made me laugh. There’s an ad for a certain credit counselling service that goes, “Call us on the phone or see us on the net, 310-debt.” They love to talk about avoiding filing for bankrupcy in their commercials. If a person is so buried in debt that they’re thinking about going bankrupt to get away from it, do you think they’ll have a phone? Or the web? I know the phone call is free, thank god, or it would be histerical. But I thought it was funny that they didn’t just stick to telling them to look up where they’re located in the phone book, since it would probably be best for them to just drop in. Otherwise, they’d be phoning them for a private, or not so private, consultation, from a public payphone. But maybe I’m just weird.

And as a final aside, does it freak anyone else out that Moneymart, the ones giving out payday loans that can kill you with interest, is now handing out Mastercards? “Here, have some more debt, suckas!” That’s all I can think when I see those ads.

Where’d my point go? I guess some stuff in ads, when it comes to debt, is just goofy. Either they’re being super nice where they wouldn’t be, or super generous where they shouldn’t be. But I guess they caught my attention, so maybe their plan is working.

Rabbits Growl?

I learned something yesterday that still makes me laugh whenever I think about it. I learned that rabbits can growl! Now wouldn’t that be funny to hear? I looked for a while for recorded rabbit growls, but sadly, I can’t find any.

So here’s my question. Has anyone heard a rabbit growl? What does it sound like? Does it even sound remotely threatening? It makes me think of how Steve would get pissed off or frustrated at something and make this roaring noise. I’d try and imitate him and…well…it wouldn’t sound very much like a roar. More like an “Eeee”. I wonder who a rabbit’s growl would intimidate. The lettuce it was about to chew? I mean, being bitten by a rabbit isn’t fun, I’ve been nipped before. But I can’t imagine how a sound coming out of something that small could be perceived as remotely scary.

No Criminal Record? That’s a crime!

Curse my computer for eating my first attempt at this post. Here we go again.

I know you’re going to probably think I obsess about this, but I like to follow a story to its end, and well, here’s the end of this one.

Remember our enemy of development, friend of the earth and lover of spray-paint? The guy who painted supposedly satirical messages on affordable housing buildings and bridges throughout the city? Well, it finally came time for his day in court, and what a strange day it was. He didn’t exactly get found not guilty as he had hoped. But he got the next bes thing. After pleading guilty to everything, he got an absolute discharge and no criminal record!

Yup. You read that right. Justice Norman Douglas, who I always thought was a sensible judge from what I’ve read in the newspaper, decided that Matthew Soltys was “one of the good guys.” After hearing from several character witnesses that told him stories of how Soltys addressed the UN’s conference on climate change, won a scholarship from Environment Canada, runs a radio show about the environment, teaches guitar and helps out with lots of local causes, virtually steals from the rich and gives to the poor, I guess he got the warm fuzzies for him. He gave him no criminal record on the promise that he will, so to speak, never ever ever do that again, Your Honour!

Ok, first off, one of the charges against him, to which he pled guilty, was breaking a promise to police that he would never ever ever carry spray-paint again, Officer. So what makes this any different? What makes the judge think he’s really learned his lesson this time? He doesn’t respect authority and obviously isn’t true to his word. So why give him that leeway? Sure, this time it was court and involved lawyers and lots of other crap and last time it was the police, but I think the principle is the same.

Soltys wrote a little opinion piece that got published in the same paper as the news of his non-convictions. In it, he tried to explain why he was out with the spray-paint after he was told not to have it on him. He claimed that it was because he had an attack of conscience and decided he should cover up his original work. Um, get real. You expect me to believe that? If you had an attack of conscience, wouldn’t you just come to the police or the city or whoever owned the buildings that you put your “satire” on and offer to pay the cleanup bill? Would you really put more grafiti on the same place and make it harder for the rightful owners of the property to clean up? Does that make any sense? Of course it doesn’t.

The thing that bothers me most about the judge’s decision to just let Soltys off is that no matter how much of a good guy he’s been, it doesn’t unhappen a crime! It’s not like you can earn a free crime with every ten good deeds you do. I can see the sales pitches now. “help ten old ladies across the street and you can rob a candy store, no questions asked!” Wouldn’t that be screwed up? If you’ve been really good and you do something bad, a judge can decide to be lenient with you. Instead of locking you in jail for a few days, he can just make you pay a fine and do some hours of community service. But you still! did! the crime! There should be consequences of that, you shouldn’t just be able to walk away. He can’t even claim that he did this out of desperation because he had no other way of expressing himself. Um, hello! He had the ear of the UN, a radio show, and he writes for a website! There is no excusable reason why he would feel compelled to write on a wall that wasn’t his own because he had no other choice.

I think a perfect punishment would have been to make him pay for the costs of cleaning up his grafiti. Then, he should have made Soltys do a little community service. He’s “one of the good guys”, remember? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind anyway. A perfect job would be to get him to clean up other “works of satire” from around city buildings. Soltys should find out how hard paint is to remove so he knows why it pissed people off when he did it and why they didn’t share his sense of humour. That’s the only way he’s going to learn, it seems.

I know there are a lot more serious crimes that get laughable sentences, and in the grand scheme of things, he didn’t hurt or kill anybody. But it’s the principle of it. It’s the fact that there were no real consequences. The judge just wrote it off and told him not to worry about it. The most he’ll say about this little brush with the law is, “Phew. I really dodged one there.” The lesson he’ll learn isn’t, “I was wrong.” It’s “Be more careful next time and you won’t get caught.” It’s not “Maybe I should use my voice in productive ways,” It’s “Hmmm. I know I can’t spray-paint. What about damaging construction equipment? Does that count? Maybe I should feed a few more homeless people first.”

Order your Creepsake Today!

Eeewww! I don’t know what took me so long to talk about this, but better late than never I guess.

I keep seeing this ad on TV. Thankfully, the sound quality is better on TV. But the concept is the same. Basically, these sick freaks have made a coin to commemorate the fifth anniversary of the September 11 tragedy. What makes them sick freaks is each coin has silver recovered from ground 0. You even get a certificate with your coin stating that the silver is really from vaults beneath the crash zone.

Ug! I have no problem with commemorative symbols. That’s great, if you’re into that sort of thing. But why can’t we just have a symbol without having a piece of the action, literally? What kind of morbid collector would want a coin that has World Trade Centre death guts all over it? For Christ’s sake, leave them a lone already! Must we mine a tragedy for profits? Are people next going to want genuine ashes to pour over their gardens to use as fertilizer with special gifts from the dead for their plants? We’re getting sicker and sicker.

But then again, people like to wear and decorate their houses with crosses, so why should this surprise me?

Man People are Lazy

Attention dude who took out the audio version of Where the Heart Is by Billie Letts from the library:

When you returned it, did you not notice the stream of tape hanging out of cassette 2? The one that could not be wound back in because it was broken? Did you not remember your tape machine munching on it, because I’m sure it did. Did you not think that, maybe, when you returned it, you should have said something to the nice library lady? Accidents happen, she wouldn’t have eaten you. But now that I’ve brought it home and found your damage, I may want to.

What is with people and their absolute lack of respect for other people’s property? Their attitude seems to be, “It’s not mine, so who cares if I break it? I’ll just return it and let someone else deal with the mess.” I hope the next book they take out has pages ripped out of it. Then they’ll have a taste of their own medicine.

It’s Official, Human Beings Are Retarded

Honest to God, I actually read the words below just now on a real website while unsubscribing from a real newsletter.

“if you are unsure what your email address is that you are subscribed under, this is located in your ezine below the Unsubscribe Link.”

Let’s give these people a pass on the poor wording and read that sentence again, and let its meaning truly sink in.

“if you are unsure what your email address is that you are subscribed under, this is located in your ezine below the Unsubscribe Link.”

I hope that all of you realize what this means. The people who run this website felt that they had to put that statement there either because they are stupid, or more likely because somebody had trouble with this concept. This means that for there to be no mind-bending stupidity involved here, we are expected to believe that it is entirely possible for the following to take place innocently and completely by accident.

Somewhere out there in the world, the same world in which you and I live, there is a person who is wanting to leave a mailing list that he somehow signed up for that is being sent to an email address that he doesn’t remember having, and the only way to do that is to check that address, find the right email, and then click a link that says unsubscribe on it. Or if he starts out knowing what the address is, he would have to forget it completely between the time he clicks the link and when he is asked to enter it into the confirmation box. He then has to send an email to the webmaster presumably from another email address alerting him that he is having trouble unsubscribing from a newsletter at an address he can’t remember through a link in that very newsletter that he just finished clicking on. Or if it was option 2 and he forgot his email address while waiting for the page to load, he would have to forget how to read, making him unable to check which email address he is currently logged into, in which case he’s got bigger problems than some jokes he doesn’t want anymore. Yes, my head is spinning too.

I don’t believe in God, but it’s becoming more and more apparent to me as the years pass that we were definitely put here simply for the purpose of amusing someone or something. There is simply no other way to explain something like this.